I recently spent a week firmly planted on my daybed with my right hand wrapped in an icepack resting on a pile of pillows.
I’ve had issues with my thumb joint and it really flared up 10 days ago. It was so swollen and painful — it basically stuck out like a sore thumb.
I couldn’t even hold a book, much less write or type. I watched TV, more DVDs than I can count and then even more TV. It got tiresome.
I was ready to stick a needle in my eye. But I couldn’t hold one with my right had and I certainly would have missed with my left hand.
At one point, my shoulder started aching — likely due to the awkward position I had to maintain in order to keep my hand elevated. I had an icepack on my hand and a heat pack on my shoulder. If I was a horse, I risked being put down.
The diagnosis: Gout.
I had a gout attack in my big toe about 20 years ago. I should have recognized the pain. For anyone who has experienced it, I’m preaching to the choir — it’s excruciating.
The doctor said gout is caused by high uric acid levels, which is related to intake of foods high in purines. Just like with the previous attack, I’m baffled because I don’t think I eat excessive amounts of foods that fall in that category.
After several days of torture, my sarcastic sense of humor was in prime form. Luckily, most of my musings were only heard by my dog and the four walls of my daybed room.
However, there are some things that I pondered while lying there that continue to take space in my head — like, who came up with the “Enjoy the go” ad campaign for Charmin. That’s just weird.
But seriously, it gets worse — they have an app. It’s the SitOrSquat app. I don’t even wanna go there, but evidently in a quest for clean public restrooms, people can access the app to know where to go, literally.
And, I don’t even know where to start with advertisements for Devour frozen meals by the Kraft Heinz Company. Although I grew up with “Leave It To Beaver” and “The Brady Bunch,” I’m no prude. The commercials are as spicy at their Chicken Enchiladas Suiza. “Food you want to fork.” Golly gee Wally, that’s kinda racy.
Before this next digression, I want to make it clear that I fully understand how difficult weight loss can be. I have my own struggles, which is maybe why my dark humor comes out. Oprah has been touting the benefits of Weight Watchers after recently losing more than 40 pounds.
I told my husband, “If Oprah had kept all the pounds off that she has lost over the years, she would be at her birth weight.”
Anyway, back to the gout — my doctor said it could have stricken that particular area because of recent overuse and arthritis in one of the bones in my thumb joint. The x-ray was so clear, I could have diagnosed it.
Evidently, when that bothers me enough it will need to be fused. If and when that day comes, I’ll need some recommendations on movies to watch — I don’t know if I can handle another overdose of regular TV and commercials.
Tammy Malgesini is the community editor. Her column, Inside my Shoes, includes general musings about life. Contact her at email@example.com or 541-564-4539.